Saturday, July 29, 2006

Women and Drama

Ahhh….I’m home, and once again in my own bed. That freakin’ camp was nothing but drama between Ann and Ashleigh, but oh well. I’m learning that girls are nothing but drama. They thrive on it; they have to have it in their daily lives.

One thing that I did learn at that stupid camp is that staying your mind feels so great. Screw what other people thing, if they don’t like t then it doesn’t matter. Anymore, I don’t like someone, I’ll tell them, and I’ve never felt freer.

Note to self, figure out why I am such a chicken and why I can’t tell my best friend that I’m in love with her.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Leaving It All

     My first blog, oh boy! Well, first off, I’ll explain the reasoning for this whole switch from MySpace since I used to blog a lot on there. If you read my “about me” then you’d know that I am a complete yearbook nerd, well yearbook nerd trapped in someone else’s body. Freshman year I was miserable like most teens, but I went off to a different school that all of my friends, well our small group of friends. That was the biggest mistake I could have ever made. Anyways, I couldn’t take it anymore so I ended up transferring before I could make it all of my sophomore year. It wasn’t like it used to be, all of my friends were off doing their own thing, and so I was still kind of in the same position that I was at before. Then one miserable day, I get this letter saying that one of my teachers recommended me to be on the yearbook staff, so I joined.
     Everyday I worked my ass of, and unlike most newbie’s I was doing everything a veteran staffer did, so most people quickly forgot that I was brand new. By my junior year, I was the one you came to for all you questions if you had trouble with the computers, and we used PC’s, so there was always trouble. By the second semester of junior year, I met her, Ann. The whole reason this all started. Everyone knew she was one of those people who were just beautiful.
     She and I just kind of clicked as friends; I knew she wasn’t going to be anything more that just friends, but I didn’t think we’d be friends outside of school, well outside of yearbook. Something happened, and the yearbook was fucked up, and our editor in chief had to go on vacation over spring break. So it was her and I, we even set up our own office in my basement to work at, and we even “borrowed” school printers. So pretty much everyday we’d work from early morning to about one in the morning.
     Once everything was over, I thought that’s it, I’ll see you next year. I was wrong, she thought of me as a really good friend. So we’ve been hanging out all summer long. We even have jobs at a new coffee shop together. After all of this, I fell in love. Not with just physically, when you are around someone as much as her and I, you know them, their personality, just everything. She just has this personality, and I don’t know what it is, but I am completely attracted to her.
     Now why don’t I just ask her out? She’s happily involved with someone else. That someone else doesn’t really like us being this close of friends as it is, and she is so happy with him most of the time. As much as I would want to break them up, I was her friend before I was attracted.
     This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in life; I have to walk away from our friendship. She’s my best friend, the one person who makes me feel less bad about being who I am, and now I just have to leave it all. Were going to a journalism camp on Monday together, and coming back Thursday, so I’m going to explain it all to her, and hopefully she’ll understand why we just can’t be like we were.